Passing judgment
While I generally avoid Digg, I do read the headlines via RSS. One came across this morning with this title: Stunning size 12 model branded “too fat” for TV, so I clicked through to see what the story was. It was a link to this Daily Mail (UK) piece about the “Make Me A Supermodel” television show and Jenn Hunter, who, at UK size 12 (US size 10), was deemed to chunky to be seen on the runway. From the article:
Judge Tandy Anderson, managing director of Select Model Management, criticised her for having “stocky” legs while supermodel Rachel Hunter, a fellow panellist, reprimanded her for saying she wanted to prove larger women could be successful models.
Swedish blonde Miss Berglund, 18, who made it to the final with her, was meanwhile praised for having a “sensational” body for modelling despite having a body mass index of 16.1.
It fell well below the minimum BMI of 18 for models taking part in Madrid Fashion Week in September, set after catwalk model Luisel Ramos dropped dead from self-starvation.
11 stone converts to 154 lbs American, a BMI of 22.7 at a height of 5′ 9″ tall. Assuming that MS. Berglund is also 5′9″, a 16.1 BMI would be about 110 lbs.
After reading the story and looking at the pictures (which I refuse to reproduce here - you can see them if you want from the Daily Mail link), I read through the Digg comments, a first for me in close to a year. The vast majority of (male) commenters expressed a strong preference for Ms. Hunter, some in crude terms. (The reason I try to avoid Digg comment threads.) At first I was pleased with this, since I battle my own body image problems and saw the results as vindication. But by the time I finished reading, I’d become very uneasy and felt a bit guilty for my reaction.
Yes, I was bothered by how the males felt free to rate these women and also by the idea that they had set themselves up for this by being on the TV show at all, but I’d like to focus on something different here. The tone of the article, as well as the comments, cast these two women’s appearances as a zero sum competition, with the “winner” determined by the observer. For one to be beautiful, the other must be ugly.
“Who is prettier/sexier than whom” is a game that women are cast into without thought of the person who resides in that body. It’s about allowing our self-worth to be determined by someone else’s opinion, and granting them the right to judge us by their own standards. Too fat, too thin, too angular or too round — all these things are value judgments which imply that the perception and reaction of the observer is what matters, not the health or happiness of the observed. Some of it is male evaluation of women, but we do it to each other, too.
Bodies come in all sizes, shapes and textures. Too often we internalize the judgments of others and place ourselves in competition with other women based on appearance. If she’s attractive, then I’m not. Some would interpret this competition as fighting for male attention; I think it’s more than that. We’ve set ourselves up in a binary world, with everything greater than or less than, with weight a common focus. As long as we can point to someone else and say “she’s fatter than me,” we can feel better about ourselves. That’s harmful to everyone involved.
So I’m upset when I see these type of competitions staged in the press. One woman’s thinness may be a sign of poor health, but this wasn’t about health. It was about beauty, and it encouraged readers to judge by what they see. Whichever way the majority decision falls, someone has to lose, based on their body shape. Judging a woman as lesser for being thin is just as bad as judging a woman for being fat. It’s not a competition.
I think that’s wrong, even when the results come out in my favor. My comfort with my own appearance isn’t influenced by your beauty anymore; I’ve tried to weed that type of competition out of my psyche. I am what I am, and so are you. Don’t let anyone try to tell you otherwise.
November 28th, 2006 at 9:07 am
Hear hear.
I’ve noticed that even though I still think things like “damn, she’s pretty” my awareness has changed the types of thoughts. I was in class the other day, just looking around and my internal thoughts were “she’s really pretty, oh she is so beautiful, wow, every woman in here is gorgeous in their own way.” I do that more often then not, because it’s true. Beauty is found in all shapes and sizes, and it comes in many different forms. I truly believe that everyone in my class is gorgeous, and it’s not one of those physics classes with 5 women in them. Not everyone in it is ’skinny’ or societally ‘beautiful’, but they are all beautiful to me.
If you can’t stop the thoughts completly, try and change them.
November 28th, 2006 at 12:31 pm
I completely agree with you. I sometimes struggle with image issues (but don’t really blame the media) and am occasionally confused by people who tell me I am beautiful because I fall under no societal “norms” for beauty. Oh well. I remember the 3rd season of America’s Sext Top Model. One of the contestants was a size 12 and about 5′9 and the designers had no clothing to fit her. Most american women, from the latest things i have read are a size 12 but they aren’t mostly 5′9. Anyway, it would be great if we could do something to hange these beauty standards or if more people recognized that they are simply someone elses opinions. I think people would be much happier in general.
November 28th, 2006 at 4:55 pm
What a wonderful perspective, Burrow. Seeing the beauty in people around us is a gift, but one that can be cultivated, I think. Each unique individual is worthy of appreciation, and as women we can build each other up instead of tearing each other, or ourselves, down.
November 28th, 2006 at 5:39 pm
I think learning to accept compliments is one of the hardest things for some of us. I know it is for me.
You’re right that we’ve got to opt out of the standards we apply to others and ourselves. It’s the only sane course.
November 29th, 2006 at 9:11 am
The hardest thing for me was when prednisone (steriod) changed my body shape… In a few months, I had a moon face, hump, and round stomache. Unfortunately, I noticed the looks too. I felt I had to explain what the drug was doing to me. I had one person ask why I didn’t get off of it. “life or death baby” I said.
Now I just ignore it. I know that I am alive and that is all that matters now.
November 29th, 2006 at 7:33 pm
I had the same problem with my drugs, Cynthia. For you it came down to being alive was more important that what you looked like - for me, it was being sane. In the grand scheme of things, appearance doesn’t even rate.
November 29th, 2006 at 7:48 pm
Hi Terry,
I’m also very distrubed by these sorts of competitions. It was bad enough when we were young ‘uns back in the ’70s, but with so much emphasis, and so many outlets for lads to vent their spleens about women, I cannot imagine what it does to some young women (I think it would have destroyed me–would have seen myself as unredeemably ugly, which certainly was not the case.)
Lately, though, I’ve noticed that my larger size puts me in the category of “non-descript heavy-set middle-aged woman.” And it’s quite the shock to have become that after being a young woman who was hit on, photographed, chased, etc. more than she could count. But the funny thing is, I like my body now more than I did when it was young and beautiful. I don’t know why, but I’m more comfortable than I was back then in lots of ways.
November 29th, 2006 at 8:23 pm
Tish, I still have times as seeing myself as undeemlably ugly, no matter how I fought it. I didn’t attract male attention until after I had my first child and grew some hips. Now I’m a “non-descript heavy-set middle-aged woman” and I know just what you mean about the change. I’m more accepting of myself now, but I wish I could have today’s confidence with yesterday’s body.
I do agree that the venues for expressing opinions on women’s bodies are more varied now. It makes me feel for my daughters.
December 4th, 2006 at 8:55 am
I’m a healthy size 8 now, but as a teenager I suffered from anorexia. It’s a mental illness that affects your health. It can kill you. Luckily, I overcame it. My boss’ daughter did not. She died in her sleep of heart failure. Making fun of people’s bodies, “normal size” (loosely defined on a per person basis) or not, should never be tolerated. Rather, we should look in the mirror and compliment the things about our bodies we do like. Not only would we be happier–so would our significant others who would appreciate the fact that we’re more passionate as a result of self-acceptance. Those two elements do go hand in hand.
December 4th, 2006 at 9:00 am
P.S. - My husband is a lot like Burrow. One of the things I love most about my husband is that he thinks all women are beautiful. I’ve never heard him say anything negative about the way any of them look. I guess if he does have a negative thought, he doesn’t express it. He’ll say, “So-and-so has gorgeous eyes,” or something to that effect. Many times I’ll tell that person later what he said. They seem to appreciate it too. He’s a faithful husband and this totally doesn’t bug me. I think it’s a precious trait.
December 4th, 2006 at 8:58 pm
You’re absolutely right, Tammy. Making fun of someone’s body should never be tolerated. I like your idea of talking back to the mirror in positive terms. I tend to curse at mine.
Your husband sounds like a great guy.