This is very tough for me to write. Yesterday I got my copy of Take Charge of Bipolar Disorder; A 4-Step Plan for You and Your Loved Ones to Manage the Illness and Create Lasting Stability by Julie A Fast and John Preston. I spent most of the day reading it, alternating between nodding my head in agreement and wiping away tears.
It’s a workbook geared not only to those who have bipolar disorder but also to friends and families of those who do. It covers the basics pretty well, in a far less academic manner than An Unquiet Mind by Kay Redfield Jameson, which I read immediately after being diagnosed. To be honest, An Unquiet Mind scared me and made me fear that I would eventually slip into psychosis and never come out. At the time, I didn’t understand that there was more than one kind of bipolar disorder and that my experience didn’t have to mimic Ms. Jameson’s own. I gained some intellectual understanding of the problem, but found little with which I could identify and little to comfort me.
Take Charge is different. It includes information on Bipolar II, which is what I have, and spells out symptoms in a matter of fact manner. It covers the range from depression to hypomania (a milder, shorter-lived form of mania, without the euphoria), mania, paranoia and anxiety. It explains how prolonged use of antidepressants can cause cycle acceleration, which causes mood swings to become faster and more severe, and why, after 8 years on them, I was in worse shape than before I started. The book talks about why I respond to stress, even good stress, with panic attacks sometimes, and gives tips on how to manage them. It has suggestions for identifying a swing before it starts and how to short circuit it. I learned that 90% of people with bipolar struggle with anxiety and that it needs to be medically managed. I thought it was just me so I never told my doctor. Most importantly, though, the book told me that the longer a person goes undiagnosed and untreated–in my case, 30 years–the longer it takes to respond to medications. In those terms, three years to get stable doesn’t mean I’m a failure. It’s about average.
That’s the encouraging part.
On the other hand, I’m not sure I’d want anyone close to me to read it. I’m too fearful of the reactions to it. It uses words that have scary connotations, like psychosis, suicidal ideation, hallucinations, intrusive thoughts, obsessions and compulsions. They don’t all happen to everyone, but it presents a dismal picture of what bipolar is like. It also details some of the things that happen in my head–the things I try so hard to never let show–and I don’t think I’m ready for others to know them. It makes a big point that people with bipolar aren’t crazy, yet many of the things it talks about do indeed sound crazy to those on the outside. Hell, they sound crazy to me, and I’ve felt them.
It gives practical suggestions for family and friends on how to best respond to different phases, like saying, “I know this is just the depression talking,” but it downplays the fact that when they’re happening, the emotions are very real. When I’m down in the well, sometimes I just need comfort, the reassurance that someone cares. It also overlooks the fact that people with bipolar have normal moods, too, even when we’re medicated. Sometimes we are exuberant, sad, angry, happy, or pensive, just like anyone else. Everything we feel and say isn’t “the bipolar talking.”
It also plays up the role of other people in keeping us stable, too much so, in my opinion. While understanding is critical, in the end it’s my responsibility to maintain control, not someone else’s. I refuse to be a burden in need of constant care; I’m afraid this book would convince a reader that a person with bipolar isn’t worth the trouble.
So rather than recommend the book to friends, I’ll probably copy out small sections and share it that way. I have one friend who, every time we get together, tells me how she liked me so much better when I was manic because I was so much fun then. It hurts me every time and I never know what to say. Maybe a page from the book can say it for me.
So I guess this is a mixed review. It is helpful in many ways, depressing in others. If you have bipolar, read it when you’re stable. If you’re feeling shaky, it might upset you with negative possibilities. If you care about someone with the disease, ask him or her before picking it up and be prepared to discuss it along the way. Not everyone needs or wants the same things. We’re individuals, though we may have some symptoms in common. Most of all, see past the disease to the person who has it. There’s more to us than that.