You’re walking around in WHAT?!
It happens to all of us. Our bodies change over the years, and sometimes that’s traumatic, particularly for women. We’re bombarded by pictures of young, thin women, not just clothed but also marginally covered, like the Victoria’s Secret ads on tv and my daily online newspaper. Many of us can’t help absorbing those images and feeling we don’t measure up, so we should cover up. I know I do.
A study from the UK says I’m not alone.
From the Daily Mail:
Experts believe the compulsion to cover up is putting a serious strain on domestic relationships, with one woman in ten having to turn out the light before she can undress in front of her partner.
Some of the most awkward encounters happen in the bathroom - with nearly a quarter of females never entering with their other half.
Of those who do, around a third said they felt self-conscious about being seen in the nude. According to the survey of 3,500 women for a bathroom equipment company, one in ten is so body-shy she will even lock the bathroom door to avoid her partner bursting in.
If this is talking about anything other than showering, I think it’s a totally separate issue from nudity. If it is about showering, “bursting in” implies active privacy invasion and being exposed against your will. If you can’t trust that your wishes will be respected, then locking the door seems reasonable to me.
Despite all this, almost all women interviewed agreed that it was vital that a couple felt comfortable naked together. Men seem largely immune to the insecurities afflicting their girlfriends and wives, and are happy spending almost double the amount of time being naked in an average day.
They are so fond of being naked that more than two-thirds said they regularly walk around the house with nothing on.
Even though 46 per cent of women confess they like to do the same, a third of these said they would never wander naked where their partner could see them.
It is the same in the gym, where 79 per cent admitted they had hang-ups showering and changing in front of other. (sic)
Nudity is vulnerability. It leaves you open not just physically but emotionally as well. Rejection from a stranger is bad enough; from a loved one, it’s devastating. So we’ll do nearly anything to avoid that, even if in reality that reaction has never come. It might next time, so we guard against it by hiding our bodies, sometimes going to great lengths to do so.
It’s all so sad. Unfortunately, I have no answer for it. It’s not just age or weight, because many young, slender women have the same issues. Few of us are as comfortable in our bodies as we’d like to be and until we are, how can we expect to get positive feedback for our natural selves? It’s a nasty cycle of fear.
I guess all I can say is, be kind to each other. And to yourselves.
March 28th, 2007 at 12:19 pm
It’s funny, but the popular discourse on nudity isn’t about vulnerability, but aggression. The way people talk about public nudity (also erotic imagery, etc.) has to do with it being assaultive, directed outward.
March 28th, 2007 at 3:33 pm
That’s fascinating, A. I know very little about public nudity–I have enough trouble with the private kind–so I’d never thought of it in those terms before, other than about flashing, which to me is a visual form of assault. Perhaps we perceive others’ nudity as aggressive, but our own as vulnerable? I wonder if gender, that of both the exposed and the viewer, has anything to do with it? Is the level of trust that already exists is a factor?
I’d love to hear your thoughts on it.
March 28th, 2007 at 7:40 pm
Let us first call for the thrill-seekers, the exhibitionists, the “Look at me!” bunch - and when they arrive, let us sequester them, because we don’t want them around and in our faces.
If my own experience is at all typical, establishing a comfort zone with your clothes off is a slow process. And it’s never, I think, a good idea to go into it with the idea that if other people can’t deal with it, too bad; there’s little to gain, and lots to lose, by antagonizing the neighbors.
Women, who draw a lot of unwanted attention just by being women, are at a disadvantage here, and it’s hard to blame them for being reluctant to bare all. Some resorts, in fact, discourage single men, hoping to keep from scaring women away. (Not that I’ve actually gone to a resort, you know; my comfort zone is about 7,000 square feet - front door to back fence.)
March 29th, 2007 at 8:29 am
I used to feel this way. Thank God I got over it! Listen, chicas, those models bodies aren’t perfect either. It’s called airbrushing. Many times that lingerie or swimsuit is pinned back in such away that make her look more alluring too. I also think ladies are harder on themselves over their own concept of self-image than their partners are. My husband says that for most men, they see their wives through more flattering eyes than she does. Remember, they’re hard-wired to be visually stimulated.
March 29th, 2007 at 4:20 pm
Your mention of the exhibitionists brings to mind the aggressive nudity that A mentioned, CG. That’s a very different thing than being comfortable in your skin. I can see where that would be a problem for a lot of people around them, whether in a resort setting or in private. I’d find it intimidating and a little frightening in men.
I’d say 7,000 square feet is a very respectable comfort zone. Good for you!
March 29th, 2007 at 4:27 pm
Tammy, I wish I could get my stomach airbrushed away.
I turn my back to the mirror to change my clothes. It wasn’t always that way, but bearing 3 kids did a major number on my body - and my self-esteem. I do think you’re right about men being more forgiving than women are, but there’s one heck of a standard for women out there that they’re exposed to, too. We can never know what’s going on in their heads, and that’s the scary part.
March 30th, 2007 at 9:49 am
I am pretty whatever about my body (which is by no means perfect). I wouldn’t just walk around naked on the street or anything but at home all bets are off. My boyfriend is always telling me to make sure windows are closed but it isn’t my fault that he keeps opening things and not telling me. I do try to be discrete though. My sister, on the other hand used to enter her apartment and strip through the house windows be damned. It’s funny because our parents didn’t advocate it or anything.
March 30th, 2007 at 11:33 am
My mom is a lot like your sister, Natalie, a trail of clothes from the front door to the kitchen. If I wanted to bring a friend home I had to go in first and ask her to grab an afghan. Dates tended to be a little freaked out by it.
She’s 73 now and still clothing optional. It’s funny because she’s very conservative about everything else.