Surprise party?
According to a Gallup Poll conducted last month, 47% of people, and 66% of those aged 18-34, would like to know the sex of their hypothetical baby before it’s born. On the other side, 51% over all, and 56% of those with a religious affiliation, preferred not to be told before the birth. Of particular interest to me is the strong preference for advance warning in the younger generation, indicating a cultural shift in that direction away from the “surprise me” taste of those who had their children in the 80s like I did. Of particular note is that the comment thread on Digg, where I found this story, back that up. Commenters almost unanimously pointed out the advantages in picking out clothes and in decorating.
I guess color coordinating decor just was never that important to me.
I had 2 (out of 3) high risk pregnancies, so the sex of my children was at the bottom of the list of my concerns. I was more worried about survival, both that of my babies and of myself. I think that’s the way most mothers feel, whether they want to know the sex or not. In practical terms, no one ever asked me if I wanted to know the sex until just before my son was born, at which time I said no thank you. Not because I was hooked on the air of mystery, or because I was anticipating his birth as some kind of surprise party, but because I didn’t want to be influenced by it. As I explained to my 8 and 3-year-old daughters, having a baby is like a gumball machine. You put a quarter in because you like gum, not because you want purple, and then you’re happy with what comes out. (Yes, this led to speculation on what color the baby was going to be.)
I had plenty of reasons for not wanting to know. Most important to me was not placing expectations on my child. I never did a blue nursery, or a pink nursery, and all my kids wore red, navy and green crawlers. They had primary color or white blankets until they were old enough to express a preference. The last thing I wanted before they were born–or after, for that matter–was to stereotype them by gender. Knowing their sex, without knowing anything else about them, for months prior to their births would have interfered with that. So I emphatically didn’t want to be told.
I can understand that others might not agree with me - obviously, half of those polled don’t. Did/do you want to know? Why, or why not?
July 26th, 2007 at 8:00 pm
Child born in 2001 to mid-30-something parents: didn’t want to know in advance, didn’t find out, religiously affiliated (in a religion where it matters, too). Child’s been raised pretty gender-neutral, and it shows.
The only really good reason I could think of to know in advance would be if there was a massive fight over the name for one gender or another (or both). Since “Little Anachronism” works for both….
July 26th, 2007 at 9:25 pm
No nurseries to decorate here–we’re co-sleepers, no crib in sight. But we still found out, both times, during the routine ultrasound at about 20 weeks (1995 and 2000). I figured the tech knew, the doctor knew, might as well tell us, too. There were still plenty of “surprises” in the delivery room, believe me–just not around the baby’s sex.
(Picked out names for all possibilities, just in case–ultrasound isn’t foolproof, though it turned out to be right for both of our kids.)
July 27th, 2007 at 1:56 pm
I wouldn’t want to know (even though I am not going to have any kids), because of reasons you mentioned. Why push them into one gender stereotype or another?
July 28th, 2007 at 10:13 am
A, I can see where knowing would simplify by choosing one name instead of two. Fortunately, that wasn’t a problem for me. A non-gendered name is a really good option.
I’m glad that worked out well for you, Penny. It may be odd but even my pregnant dreams had no gender attached to the baby until my youngest, when I dreamed a little black-haired dark eyed little boy named Tony. (long story in that one.) Now I have a blond-haired green eyed Tony.
That was my feeling too, Burrow. It’s the big reason I’ve always avoided pink and blue, until my middle daughter insisted on it. I think I’m allergic to pastels anyway.
September 18th, 2007 at 9:16 am
I can’t think of another argument that makes so little sense without relying on mysticism. It appears to assume that
a) knowing the gender of the child forces parents to behave in some damaging ways and
b) the danger only exists before birth but not after.
If the former is debatable the latter is clearly not true. If you expect yourself to behave in gender biased ways towards your child, you are way more likely to do so after the child is born than before.
So what do you do once your child is born, look away for a year or two or 5 until the formative period is over.
I could see that there was something to think about if you were offered to choose the sex of your offspring but we are not there yet. Here we only talk about the timing of knowledge and I don’t understand why the sooner the better doesn’t apply. After all English as well as most other languages (Finnish, Hungarian and Estonian being a notable exception) use gender pronouns. Isn’t it pathetic to call your progeny “it” while you could be talking about her or him.