I’d hate to have my gender judged on my calculus skills. For every one of me, there are 2 women like Meredith and Burrow out there setting the curve.

When Meredith first started talking about going to Denmark for a semester, her primary goal was to convince me of how safe it is there. I didn’t believe her, knowing the crime statistics of any US city of comparable size. But from the archives of her memory she pulled out the story of a Danish couple who were arrested in New York City for child endangerment when they left their baby, in her buggy, on the sidewalk in front of a restaurant while they had dinner inside. They protested that it was the custom in their country. The skeptical judge finally gave them back custody of their daughter and they returned to Denmark with stories about the barbarity of Americans.

I thought those parents were making it up to cover their behinds, but Meredith swore that it is so safe there that people do it all the time. Thus the phrase “street baby” was born. Every time I expressed any concern, she reminded me of street babies. I didn’t really believe anyone would actually leave a a child unattended like that, figuring it was just one of her running jokes to keep me from worrying.

But this morning, in my email, was the above picture of, yes indeed, a street baby. She took this in a town on the island of Jutland, though she’s seen them in Copenhagen, too.

It makes me feel good about a world where a place like that can exist, even if I’ll never see it.

A University of Idaho Vandal, that is. His acceptance letter came today. He’ll be studying Computer Engineering there in the fall.

For a lot of us it’s a major ego hit when a man we’re with frequently and obviously checks out other women, watering that little seed of insecurity lurking in the back of our minds that whispers, “If he really loved me, he wouldn’t look.” Advice columnists have been telling us for years that window shopping doesn’t matter, that as long as he’s going home with us, that’s all that counts. Some believe that, and some don’t.

Now there’s a study that appears to confirm our worst fears about wandering eyes. A team at the University of California Los Angeles and dating Web site eHarmony found that when presented with photographs of attractive men and women, college students who said they were in love were less likely to take careful notice, later being able to recall details such as that the photo was taken in New York, or that the person was wearing a red shirt, but nothing of the potentially alluring features.

“Feeling love for your romantic partner appears to make everybody else less attractive, and the emotion appears to work in very specific ways in enabling you to push thoughts of that tempting other out of your mind,” said Gian Gonzaga of eHarmony, whose study is published in the journal Evolution and Human Behavior.

“It’s almost like love puts blinders on people,” added Martie Haselton, an associate professor of psychology and communication studies at UCLA.

Ouch.

I see a few potential flaws in the study. What is true of college students, presumably in newer relationships, may not be true of more mature couples with relationships of long standing. Maybe once that first flush of passion fades looking returns but is no longer correlated to love for a partner. Maybe the older we get, the less appearance matters in getting our attention. It would be interesting to see this replicated with a wider range of subjects and conditions.

Still, the results are something to think about.

Does your partner look? Do you? How does it make you feel?

A, if I remember right your spouse is visually impaired. Is there a parallel with the attractiveness of voices or another feature?

Via Reuters

In the US we’re shamefully uncomfortable discussing the sexual needs of the physically and mentally handicapped, as well as the elderly. Because we’d rather not think about it, their needs are often left unfulfilled. That doesn’t appear to be the case in Europe.

From the Copenhagen Post:

Carers help nursing home residents buy sex

For staff at some nursing homes, putting residents in touch with prostitutes is standard practice.

Sygeplejersken, the trade magazine for nurses and carers, recently surveyed 13 nursing homes and found that many nursing home residents still need to have their sexual desires satiated and staff are willing to help out.

‘Our policy is that we generally try to help satisfy our residents’ needs,’ said a nurse from Holmegårdsparken nursing home in Charlottenlund, outside of Copenhagen.

In the city of Skanderborg in Jutland, the use of prostitutes was common, according to Merete Baastrup, manager of the Kildegården nursing home.

‘We have one resident who has been using the services of a prostitute for some time,’ she said.

Prostitution is legal in Denmark, but whether nursing homes are permitted to facilitate contacts is unclear, which leaves it up to municipal authorities to decide whether to allow staff in nursing homes to help satisfy residents’ sexual needs.

In Skanderborg and Århus, staff were empowered to help residents, but in Århus, it was recommended that other options were considered before resorting to prostitutes.

The city of Copenhagen, due to an anti-prostitution campaign in 2006, outlaws the use of sex workers in nursing homes.

I’ve got very mixed feelings here. I believe prostitution to be by it’s nature exploitive, and should not be officially sanctioned. Yet something needs to be done to improve the quality of life of those living in nursing homes. Perhaps one answer is to put locks on the bedroom doors so that if relationships naturally develop, residents can physically act on their feelings. Likewise, that privacy would allow them to satisfy themselves without fear of interruption. If the staff can arrange privacy for time with a sex worker, they can do the same for non-professional contact. All options need to be considered to grant residents sexuality with dignity.

Denmark is famously progressive, and in this case we need to follow their example in recognizing that sexual desire is a part of all human lives, not just of the young and those of able mind and body.

I don’t have the answers, but we need to start asking the questions. We’re all going to be old one day.

*Title credit Bob Seger

• Happy thing: Meredith’s been gone 3 weeks and I haven’t had a single panic attack
• Happy thing: Diet Week 1: -4 lbs
• Happy thing: talking to Julie twice in one week
• Happy thing: my Skype phone
• Not-so-happy thing: I melted the cord of my waffle iron when I left it sitting on the stove
• Happy thing: Gonzaga 101, Pepperdine 59 — with the freshmen playing the last 8 minutes
• Happy thing: fuschia Happy Bunny socks
• Happy thing: fresh flowers on my desk
• Not-so-happy thing: the Check Engine light came on in my car.
• Happy thing: hummingbird desktop wallpaper
• Happy thing: Dannon Light & Fit Yogurt - 60 calories
• Happy thing: 35 degrees
• Happy thing: learning when and how to repair and optimize databases - easy stuff

An excerpt:

She Considers the Dimensions of Her Soul
(Mrs. Morninghouse, after a Sermon Entitled,
“What the Spirit Teaches Us through Grief”)

The shape of her soul is a square.
She knows this to be the case
because she sometimes feels its corners
pressing sharp against the bone
just under her shoulder blades
and across the wings of her hips.
….

Young Smith

In a City You Will Never Visit
Black Zinnias

Via Poem of the Day

For all of those who say “McCain’s not so bad.”

From The Caucus, a New York Times Blog:

Reporter: “Should U.S. taxpayer money go to places like Africa to fund contraception to prevent AIDS?”
Mr. McCain: “Well I think it’s a combination. The guy I really respect on this is Dr. Coburn. He believes – and I was just reading the thing he wrote– that you should do what you can to encourage abstinence where there is going to be sexual activity. Where that doesn’t succeed, than he thinks that we should employ contraceptives as well. But I agree with him that the first priority is on abstinence. I look to people like Dr. Coburn. I’m not very wise on it.”
(Mr. McCain turns to take a question on Iraq, but a moment later looks back to the reporter who asked him about AIDS.)
Mr. McCain: “I haven’t thought about it. Before I give you an answer, let me think about. Let me think about it a little bit because I never got a question about it before. I don’t know if I would use taxpayers’ money for it.”
Q: “What about grants for sex education in the United States? Should they include instructions about using contraceptives? Or should it be Bush’s policy, which is just abstinence?”
Mr. McCain: (Long pause) “Ahhh. I think I support the president’s policy.”
Q: “So no contraception, no counseling on contraception. Just abstinence. Do you think contraceptives help stop the spread of HIV?”
Mr. McCain: (Long pause) “You’ve stumped me.”
Q: “I mean, I think you’d probably agree it probably does help stop it?”
Mr. McCain: (Laughs) “Are we on the Straight Talk express? I’m not informed enough on it. Let me find out. You know, I’m sure I’ve taken a position on it on the past. I have to find out what my position was. Brian, would you find out what my position is on contraception – I’m sure I’m opposed to government spending on it, I’m sure I support the president’s policies on it.”
Q: “But you would agree that condoms do stop the spread of sexually transmitted diseases. Would you say: ‘No, we’re not going to distribute them,’ knowing that?”
Mr. McCain: (Twelve-second pause) “Get me Coburn’s thing, ask Weaver to get me Coburn’s paper that he just gave me in the last couple of days. I’ve never gotten into these issues before.

At least they’ll die for a good cause - fundamentalist Christianity. I’m sure they’ll be pleased to be given the honor.

At 1:00 this afternoon, Tony and I did our civic duty and attended the Democratic Caucus. Originally 3 precincts were assigned to our room at North Pines Middle School, but turnout was so high that not only were there not enough chairs, there wasn’t even room to stand. Many people were left standing in the hallway already with 15 minutes still to go until starting time. After an inspiring pep talk from one of the precinct captains someone was sent out to scout for open rooms so that our huge group could be split up. By the time we reorganized, there were still 30 remaining in my precinct to fill out the attendance forms.

After a long discussion on platform priorities, into which Tony dove without hesitation, it was time to vote with our feet, standing to register our support for our chosen candidate. I think Tony was holding his breath, unsure of what I would do. He’s been an Obama supporter from the outset, while I’ve clung hard to my Undecided status, and we’ve talked of little else this last month. I honestly didn’t know until I walked into the room today which way I was going to vote. I was not alone. Many others, particularly older women, were as ambivalent as I, and said they’d only made a decision in the last few days. Most of those, as I did, ended up coming down on the side of Obama. It was a decision I wasn’t completely happy with, but in the end I had to go with the person I thought stood the best chance of being elected. However, if Hillary Clinton takes the nomination, I’ll enthusiastically back her and feel great about my vote. Getting a Democrat in the White House is what matters.

When the votes were counted, there were 21 for Obama and 9 for Clinton, roughly echoing the statewide stats I’m seeing on CNN tonight with Obama leading 65% to 30%. That was more of a gap than I expected to see; in advance I would have called it 16 to 14. I’m glad it was decisive, in either direction.

All that remained to do was choose delegates for the 4th Legislative District Caucus on April 5th. Tony and I volunteered. No need to be elected, they had to work to get enough people to agree to go. I wanted him to have the experience I had at his age of seeing the caucus system all the way through to the state level and being a part of history, so against my better sense I raised my hand to go with him. It’s worth the stress of the crowds to see that he gets that.

He’s energized by the day’s events. I’m just tired. The older I get, the more cynical about the process I become, but it’s refreshing to see it all through his eyes for a little while. Tomorrow is soon enough to dread all the ugliness that will come between now and November.

Actually, it’s #lastCat {background-image: url (tabby.jpg);} but I won’t quibble.