If Ann Coulter had liveblogged the Gettysburg Address:

Old Abe is approaching the podium, looking even more like a badly-dressed and ill-proportioned scarecrow suffering from a depressive disorder than he usually does. I mean, if you’re going to be an empty suit, couldn’t you at least find a suit that fits?

And as usual, he’s not wearing an American flag lapel pin. Too good for it, I suppose. Probably thinks it’s tacky, and that “real patriotism” doesn’t have to be displayed. Typical intellectual arrogance.

Unfortunately, duty has required me to get a seat up close, so I’m likely to be able to hear his annoyingly high, faint voice.

Of course, it’s going to be hard to take anything he says seriously, since he’s obviously just angling for votes in Pennsylvania. Notice that he didn’t bother to give a speech at Antietam.

Okay, here we go. More “eloquence,” no doubt.

Four score and seven years ago
“Fourscore and seven”? Puh-leeze! Couldn’t you make it just a little more pompous? Only a moonbat could regard this guy as an orator.

There’s just no making some people happy.