I wanted the Prozac to work. I really really really wanted it to take care of my symptoms and fade into the background so I didn’t have to think about meds anymore. But that’s not happening.

3 weeks on it and I’m scratching again. It’s 10:30 am and I’ve brushed my teeth 5 times already, and I’ve only been up since 7. My brain is spinning and I’m having trouble focusing on my school work, so I obsess over it and spend twice as long doing every single example instead of the handful assigned. Worst of all I’m having fibro symptoms again, like I did on Serzone. My muscles ache and feel heavy, and I’ve got little electrical sparks running under my skin for hours at a time. The only upsides are that I’m sleeping 4 or 5 hours a night, no small accomplishment, and after the first homework and test, I have an A in stats. It’s nice to know that obsessions are good for something.

I see the dr. tomorrow, so I’ve got a big decision to make. Do I tell her about the symptoms that have come back and take the chance she’ll put me on something else, something that will make me gain weight? Or do I just relate the positive stuff and hope that the next dosage increase fixes things?

What I really want is my Zoloft back. Zoloft and diet pills. Ain’t going to happen, obviously.

So is this as good as it gets? If so, I’ll live with it. But I keep hoping for more.

There are no magic bullets, no matter how much I want one.