Broken chains
365 days ago I woke up in the morning and decided I wouldn’t smoke that day. I didn’t. Or the next. Or the day after that. Today I’ve been tobacco-free for one year. It was hard. I didn’t get bitchy, but I did cry a lot when the cravings got bad and I felt weak. But I didn’t smoke.
I had anxiety attacks for the first month, maybe two. That time was so bad it’s hard to remember now. I took a lot of Ativan and paced countless miles. I gained 20 lbs. But I didn’t smoke.
A big part of that process was writing about it here, recording the daily progress and battle. The support from all of you made a huge difference. After committing publicly I refused to fail and let my friends down. That need was stronger than the hold of the nicotine.
I still don’t think of myself as a non-smoker - that hasn’t written itself into my self concept yet. That will probably take awhile longer. After all, it’s only been one year. But it’s the first year of many and I’m not going back to that addiction.
I won.
May 21st, 2008 at 11:53 am
Very, very impressive.
May 21st, 2008 at 6:22 pm
Congratulations
May 21st, 2008 at 7:27 pm
Well, if the first year is the hardest, as they say, the rest should be easy, right?
Congratulations on beating this thing.
May 22nd, 2008 at 6:03 am
Congratulations on your anniversary!!
May 22nd, 2008 at 1:10 pm
Thanks, everyone! I need to do something outdoors and fresh air-ish this weekend to celebrate my clean lungs.