Bowing to reality
I took a step toward positive self-esteem this weekend. I bought clothes that fit. Since the failed Zoloft experiment and quitting smoking, I’ve felt horrible about myself, as I’ve expressed here. It’s going to take 3-4 months, maybe more, for the drug weight to come off, so I decided that in the meantime I don’t want to beat myself up because my old things don’t fit. So I bought some a size bigger.
I don’t think of it as giving up. It’s more a matter of being comfortable in my skin until my metabolism straightens out, particularly since I have a conference coming up that I’ve looked forward to for months, and a trip back home that will require all the self-confidence I can muster. For the first time in a long time I looked in the mirror this morning and actually thought, “Wow, I look good.” Not thin by any means, but I think I look nice.
This is such a huge step for me. I know there are people out there who would say that at this weight I don’t deserve to feel good about myself, but I’m trying to ignore that. I know that I’ve got to have a healthy attitude before I can make changes, so I’m starting with this.
The rest will come with time.
May 29th, 2008 at 10:06 am
Oh hooray for you! I am, you know, one of those who thinks you are beautiful to behold so it’s good now that we’re in agreement about that.
May 29th, 2008 at 1:14 pm
You’re biased, but thank you, Poet.
You made my day.
May 30th, 2008 at 7:47 am
Shalom Terry,
Indeed it will.
B’shalom,
Jeff
June 2nd, 2008 at 3:49 pm
Terry, do not think in sizes. Think only in what looks lovely and makes you feel good. I believe Clinton Kelly says something along those lines! (He was at an event here, and I listened with rapt attention.) Size is irrelevant, my dear! I can wear anything between an 8 and a 14 depending on who makes it — and all in the same darn day.
So, size doesn’t matter. Feeling good and looking fabulous in things that fit — that’s the only thing that matters.
And I am sure, btw, that you look fabulous in your new togs.
June 3rd, 2008 at 12:37 pm
Thanks, Lynn. I do feel pretty good in them. I’m not used to having new things - generally all my clothes come from the 2nd hand store - so that’s a boost right there. Now I just need to convince myself to wear them, instead of saving them for a special occasion.