Psych of Gender Week 4 paper

The assignment:
# Read the first half of Written on the Body. This book begins the process of challenging preconceived notions about gender.
# Reflect back on your own understanding of gender and how your thoughts might have changed since reading the book.
# Write a paper using the questions below.
# Papers should be 2 to 4 pages double-spaced in Times 12 pt. Font, submitted as Word documents.
# Use these questions as a starting point for your paper.

1. What gender do you think the protagonist is? Please be specific about what the character has said or done that leads you to think this.
2. What in your personal life experience has taught you to view gender in such a way as to think the character is the gender you think they are? Again, please be specific.
3. How do you think the character relates to your own gender identity?
4. How did the character come to be the person they are?

Psychology of Gender
Written On the Body – part I

When I began reading this book I intentionally tried to set aside my hetero-normalcy to look at the character with an eye untainted by expectations. Very quickly I began seeing and hearing the protagonist as female with very few external clues, only to be caught in dissonance when I read something that contradicted that impression. For ease of communication, I’ll use s/he for she or he, and hir for him or her. It’s awkward, but it seems to be an accepted practice among writers of genderless society online.

One of the things that led me to believe s/he was female was the level of guilt the character carried. Some of that was because hir lovers were married, but also because I don’t think s/he believes s/he deserves happiness for some unstated reason. Our culture says this is more often a female affliction.

Another reason I believe her to be female is because the sex between the characters is always oral. There is no talk of penetration of any kind, not even manually, and the protagonist only gives, never receives, sexual attention. I recognize this is an intentional device to keep hir gender hidden, but it also plays into the mistaken cultural belief that women, more than men, receive pleasure primarily from their partners’ pleasure. While I’m able to intellectually identify this bias, I am subconsciously affected by it.

Another cultural reason I assumed a female narrator is the easy acceptance of bisexuality. S/he mentions women lovers in terms of life-changing emotional attachments, but casually mentions a male lover as well. As a society I think we are more comfortable with the idea of bisexuality in women than in men.

Also, there is Elgin’s begrudging acceptance of hir in the house with Louise and himself. My own experience is that men are more competitive and threatened by another man than by a woman, sexually and otherwise.

A moment of gender dissonance came after Jacqueline trashed the flat and the narrator urinated in a coffee pot. This seems far easier accomplished by a man than a woman.

I think hir outlook has been formed by loss. By involving hirself in relationships with unavailable women, s/he guarantees hir own hurt. I think that pain is comfortable because it is familiar, and protects hir against the threat of a commitment that, if made, might fall apart. But that loss has left hir feeling second best; good enough for a few months’ diversion, but not good enough to keep. When Jacqueline became violent in the face of their breakup, s/he accepts it as justified because s/he doesn’t feel s/he deserves any better.

This is why Louise was able to reach parts of hir that others couldn’t. She chose hir over her husband, and rather than abandoning hir, embraced hir and created a life together. So, when Louise’s cancer became known, the narrator retreated back into the familiar pain of self-sacrifice and didn’t allow Louise to make her own decision.

I related to this on a number of levels. I would have made the same sacrificial decision to send Louise back to her husband. Love considers what is best for the loved one first, more than the cost to the self.

While in a traditionally female role as a mother, I still consider myself androgynous in many ways. I work in not just a male-dominated profession, but in a young man’s game, information technology. I have close friendships with both women and men. I dress in generic t-shirts and jeans. I resent being defined by my gender and actively work to disrupt stereotypes at every opportunity, much to my children’s dismay at times. I think that tearing down artificial barriers is the job of every feminist and ally, male and female.

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