Psych of Gender Week 7 paper 2

Psych of Gender
Gender Observation and Imagination, 7-2

For my gender observation exercise I sat in a coffee shop in downtown Spokane which is frequented heavily by young adults ages 14 to 30. I found that gender differences were more exaggerated with this age group than with older adults and therefore more interesting.

One of the biggest external differences I saw between males and females was in dress. Only males wore “prison pants,” extra baggy and sagging clear down with underwear exposed. Women wore more body-defining clothing, with tighter fitting jeans than even normally sized jeans worn by males, and shirts fitting close to the body, while males wore looser t shirts. No males wore exposure clothing such as belly shirts and tight lightweight knits, while many young females did. I saw an equal number of piercings among teenagers, but more tattoos on the arms among males and more on legs and necks among females. Overall, females seemed to dress more to be looked at then males did.

In interactions with other males, young men kept greater distance between themselves than women did. Their gestures were larger and their voices louder. They sprawled more in their chairs, in some cases taking up space between tables, making others step around them. They leaned back in their chairs instead of in towards their companions. Their movements seemed deliberate and confident, with little hesitation.

In interactions with females, I saw something very different. Here the males seemed to change more in their behavior than females did. Their voices became softer and their body language less challenging. Gestures were smaller, and they sought to take up less extra space then they did in the company of young men. By comparison, women seemed more consistent in their presentation.

The biggest difference in my life if I were male is that I probably would not have had the opportunity to be a full-time parent for as long as I did, and I would be expected to be working elsewhere instead of from home as I do now. The pressure on men to exist in the public sphere would be difficult for me, as I am reclusive by nature. On the positive side, I would probably be less self-conscious and would be more sure of myself in occupying space, not trying to “shrink” myself while in a mixed gender group. I would have less body anxiety and be less concerned about visible aging than I am as a female. I could pay less attention to my appearance and still be acceptable in public, not needing makeup or uncomfortable clothing.

The hardest part of the exercise was trying imagine what it would be like to live without the constant caution that women adopt as a survival technique. I tried to picture walking alone at night and my heart rate sped up with anxiety just at the thought of taking a risk like that in the city. I imagined being able to travel alone without nervousness, not carrying my keys in my hand before I leave the building or checking the back seat of my car before I get in. I was struck by the feeling of freedom the thought of stepping outside these self-imposed restrictions gave me.

On the negative side, I pictured having a woman cross a dark street at my approach or refuse to meet my gaze because of fear. I wouldn’t have the same freedom with children that I do as a woman – I couldn’t talk to children in a park or at the mall with the same lack of suspicion that I experience now. Being viewed as a threat would make me feel dirty and ashamed, as if I’ve done something unacceptable. Men seem to be treated as dangerous until proven otherwise, while women are perceived as safe until they do something to indicate nefarious intent.

It would be very difficult for me to master male presentation, I think, because I’m accustomed to the fluidity I’m allowed as a woman. I don’t face the same pressure to fit a limited role that a man would, and I’m allowed to express the very prominent nurturing aspects of my personality with less restriction than men face. As much as learning I can see that unlearning a lifetime of body language and attitudes would be a huge summit to conquer for one transitioning between genders.

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