Jan 16


Crazy meds update

by Terry 16 January 2009


I haven’t done one of these for awhile since my meds have been pretty stable for almost 6 months.  But I’ve been sliding downhill lately, and not handling unexpected stress very well, so I went in to see the dr.

There verdict?  Up my Geodon to 240 mg, and add in Klonapin for anxiety, since I can’t take more Prozac without getting manic.   Klonapin is my magic  brain candy.  It’s not as strong as Ativan so it can’t bring me down from a panic attack, but I can take it every day and it makes me feel wonderful.  Not high, but peaceful and able to handle anything.  The one advantage/drawback is it makes me sleep.  Not the drugged up passed out unconscious stuff that Zyprexa gives me, but natural wake up in 8 hours feeling great sleep, with NO NIGHTMARES.  Nothing else blocks them, but this does.  And best of all, the urge to scratch disappears.

That’s the advantage.  The drawback is that I’m supposed to take it 3 times a day.  If I take it in the morning,  I’m anxiety free, but I can count on being asleep until noon.  And if I take the noon dose then I’ll sleep most of the afternoon away.  While my body appreciates this, being months’ worth of sleep deprived because of nightmares, I can’t afford to lose all that time.  It’s the first week of a new term and I’ve still got 70 pages of reading to do and a paper to write by Sunday.  And then there’s work.   All the stuff I used to get done in the middle of the night when I couldn’t sleep.

I see the dr again on Tuesday, and I’m torn.  Do I keep taking it as prescribed, as I’ve promised friends I would do, or do I stop taking the daytime doses so that I can keep up my responsibilities?  And on the other hand, I’m scared of going back to the level of anxiety I had before.  So I’m torn.

Why can’t any of this ever be easy?

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3 Comments

3 Responses to “Crazy meds update”

  1. Ahistoricality on January 16th, 2009 8:22 pm

    Seem unlikely to me that you’re going to feel a lot better anytime soon if you don’t take it and get the sleep you need.

    On the other hand, I know how anxiety producing falling behind can be: that’s nasty as well.

    This goes along, I think, with your other post (though I can’t seem to actually get it to come up for some reason, or I’d comment there separately) about pass/fail: I don’t know that there are many fields in which magna cum laude is a distinction people look at all that closely. If you’re thinking about graduate school, that’s one thing, but if your BA isn’t directly related to your qualifications, then hardly anyone will look twice.

    I think the fact that you’ve gone back and done it at this point is worth twice what a magna cum laude is. Under the current circumstances, though, I don’t think anyone would fault you for taking a little slack as you work through the med retooling.  (Quote)

  2. Rebecca Clayton on January 17th, 2009 6:54 am

    I agree with Ahistoricality–You don’t have to do everything the hard way. In your situation, I’d go with the easiest possible coursework situation in hopes it would relieve some anxiety.

    I was very proud of my academic credentials back when they were new, and, as far as I can tell, no one else ever really looked at them. That feeling of accomplishment is great, but you should have it anyway for taking the risk and going back. I’d say one more “A” in a tough course is probably not going to be worth its cost in anxiety, given your meds/sleep situation. (Managing that makes an undergrad “A” look like a walk in the park, in my opinion.)

    Good luck! The end is in sight!  (Quote)

  3. Terry on January 18th, 2009 8:16 pm

    I’ve decided to give it one week, then decide what to do, but I’m leaning very strongly toward pass/fail. You’re right that the anxiety my grades are causing aren’t worth the stress. I’m scratching badly again, which is always a sign I’m doing too much. Thankfully, the drug that makes me sleepy completely eliminates that. Once the sleepy wears off, I’ll feel a lot better.  (Quote)

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