Mar 24


Back home

by Terry 24 March 2009


It looks like the crisis is over, at least for now.  Dad made substantial improvement and was transferred to a rehab hospital for respiratory therapy, so I flew back home Sunday night.  I’m exhausted, and, I think, a little depressed, not wanting to do anything but sleep.

I’m binging on milk, which is horrible for my stomach, because I spent 8 days living on black coffee from the ICU nurses’ station and junk from the vending machines.   I need to go to the store for fish and fresh fruit and vegetables, but I’m too tired right now.  I just want healthy food to miraculously appear on my plate, and clean clothes to pop into my closet, and the dishes to wash themselves.   Don’t we all?

Mortality is a funny thing.  Staring it right in the eye didn’t lead to acceptance – it just fed my denial.   Even when Julie flew in to be with Dad, and with me, it never felt completely real.  Not even the conversations with the doctors about a DNR order punctured my bubble of shock.   Only after he started to improve did I get the shakes at what had so nearly happened.  I’m still feeling the effects of it.

What happens now?  He’ll be in the hospital for another month with my mom, sister and brother traveling the 150 miles between home and the medical center a couple of times a week.  I’m not anticipating making another emergency trip back, but anything could happen.

For now, I’m just going to try to find my normal routine again, and sleep as much as I can.  I’ll trust that everything will be ok and deal with tomorrow, tomorrow.

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4 Comments

4 Responses to “Back home”

  1. Jo(e) on March 24th, 2009 4:47 pm

    (o)  (Quote)

  2. Stephen Leigh on March 25th, 2009 3:50 am

    Welcome back, and I’m glad the crisis is over — now make sure you stay healthy!  (Quote)

  3. Sherry Chandler on March 28th, 2009 5:04 am

    My advice is to go very easy on yourself and be self-forgiving. Though the outcome here was good, you have still had a shock and a trauma and I think you’ll have a grief process to go through.  (Quote)

  4. Terry on March 28th, 2009 7:58 pm

    Thanks Jo(e), Stephen and Sherry. You’re very wise. Staying mentally healthy right now is tough, and does need my attention. I think you’re right, Sherry, that I’m grieving, but what I’m not certain. I’m just very unsettled right now.  (Quote)

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