Catching up

It’s been so long since I’ve posted anything other than pictures here that it’s hard to overcome the inertia and put some words together now. I’ve been swamped with the house fix-up, true, but there’s more to it then that.

It’s been an accumulation of little things.  In the cleaning, painting and recarpeting I’ve had to take apart and pack up, however briefly, the remnants of the last 30 years of my life.  The wall mirror I bought for $5 at the dime store to hang by the door in my first house, my grandmother’s wedding vase painted with violets, a tiny glass unicorn given to me by a friend now long estranged, the paper hearts mobile that Tony made for me in 1st grade, Meredith’s clay turtle from junior high pottery class, and the picture of Julie at 14, holding her oboe.  I won’t even go into the decades of accumulation of games, puzzles and misc.  in my closets.  Slowly I’m getting things resettled, but the sorting into “keep,” “keep but box up,” “take to Goodwill,” and “discard” piles has been really hard for me.

Then a week ago my elderly Rogue took a turn for the worse, and I had to face the reality that she won’t be with me too much longer.  On a visit to the pet emergency clinic I learned that several things I had attributed to age–weight loss, thinning hair, digestive upsets (to put it politely)–are actually the results of a tumor on her thyroid gland.  At 19 I can’t see putting her through surgery, chemo, and radiation, but there is medication to help control the symptoms.  It’s not a cure, but it might make her comfortable in her remaining days, and give me a little bit longer with her.  As for the age-related hygiene issues, I’ve got a rug shampooer and can clean up after her, even if it is new carpet.

There have been some positive things, too.  Tony had all of Thanksgiving week off, and I’ve loved having him home.  Julie and Meredith weren’t here, but I talked to them both on the phone Thursday morning.  The Zags won the Maui Invitational Tournament, so I got to watch 3 games over the long weekend, as a part of ESPN’s basketball Feast Week.  I got a new keyboard for my laptop, making it nearly new again.  And I found some really great leather boots on sale 30% off.

But through it all I’ve been sleeping way too much, and not managing to accomplish much while I’m awake, so my psychiatrist increased my antidepressant dose by 50%.  And on the off chance it’s something else, she ordered a full blood panel, including cholesterol and sugar, and when that comes back she’ll refer me to a new GP for a physical.  I haven’t had one in probably 7 years.  I’m dreading that for reasons I’ll write about later, but I’ll do it.

So I’m trying to get myself together before Christmas.  The holidays are always a tough time for me, and this year I’m starting into them at an emotional disadvantage.  But the drugs are starting to kick in, I think, and I’ll put my tree up in the next few days.  Maybe that will make me feel better.

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